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Five People Who Don’t Want to Help You Move

Author Steven J. Daniels may have said it best, in his Weeds in the Garden of Love: “A good friend will help you move, but a true friend will help you move a body.” But everyone, it turns out, isn’t a true friend or even a good friend.

Yes, it’s hard for some to believe, after all the times you helped people move, but there are people who don’t want to help you move when it’s your turn. Many times they won’t even say ‘no’; they just don’t show up on moving day, despite all your promises of beer and pizza.

Following are five people who aren’t likely to quo, even if you’ve already quid pro-ed:

1. That guy from work who has a big truck. Particularly if it’s a big new truck that looks like nothing has ever been hauled in it.

Excuses you’re likely to hear: “I don’t want to scratch my truck” or “If I help you, I’ll have to help everyone you’ll ask.

2. That woman from your pilates class who is a maniac at every exercise. But who, when you ask her for moving help, has a bad back. And shoulder. And knee.

Excuses you’re likely to hear: “My abs are for show, not using” or “I’m afraid lifting boxes will throw off my center.”

3. That relative who goes hiking or rock climbing every other week but now, it turns out, has allergies. Or asthma.

Excuses you’re likely to hear: “It’s season and I can’t possibly breath, much less carry anything” or “I’d help, but you don’t want me to sneeze all over your clothes and dishes, do you?”

4. That co-worker who never has plans for the weekend – except for the weekend that you need to move.

Excuses you’re likely to hear: “I’ve committed to check in on my sick mother in another town” or “I have a date with this new guy who I’ve never mentioned and can’t tell you too much about.”

5. That college friend who you helped move six times but who says finals week is coming up – in March?

Excuses you’re likely to hear: “Didn’t I tell you I went back to school to finish my degree?” or “This online master’s will really solidify my math background for employers.”

Don’t get mad. Moving is hard, sweaty, miserable work. And you might learn something by listening to all the excuses. Like how to get out of your own next quo. Especially if it’s moving a body.


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