5 Factors to Consider Before You Cohabitate with Your Mate
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Cohabitation with your mate sounds wonderful at first. You envision romantic evenings cuddled up on the sofa with a glass of wine, sleeping in each other's arms every night and waking up to a kiss each morning. There is also the relief of sharing your living expenses with someone. However, moving in with your love is a HUGE step in your relationship. Before you rush to purchase matching key rings, there are some serious things to consider. Here are a few things to ponder before you take the plunge.
1. Go for a Test Drive
When you share a home with your mate, you are going to quickly discover things about him/her that you weren't privy to to while you were just dating. You may learn that she has a ridiculously long morning routine that includes staring at her pores in the mirror for 15 minutes; or that he takes the entire sports section of the newspaper into the bathroom with him and doesn't emerge for 20. Or, you realize that he isn't a fan of your favorite show that you like to watch to unwind after your workday.
Try and live with each other for a week or two at one of your residences and see how it works. Tune into the things that annoy you, and discuss ways to work on them. Also, make sure to embrace the elements you love about shacking up to ensure they continue. Use this trial time period to see if you are able to compromise enough to make the major commitment of signing a joint lease or mortgage. You may be surprised about how difficult it is to really share your living quarters.
2. Secure Your Own Space
As you are searching for residences, or if you are moving into his/her place, make sure there is a space that you can call your own. Whether it is a bathroom, office space or guestroom, it is important for each of you to have a space that is just yours. Perhaps you need a quiet space to read, blog or get your work done. No matter what your preference is, it is important that when things get a little too close for comfort, you have your own place to just be alone with your thoughts for a little bit. Just like your computer, you are going to need time to just reboot in order to avoid the temptation of giving him/her the boot!
3. Divvy Up the Chores
No one necessarily likes chores, but it seems that in every couple there is the "neat freak" and the "free spirit." Both individuals can look at the same toilet bowl and see it completely differently. The free bird will see it as perfectly clean while the other will go into an immediate panic mode—scrub brush in hand! To avoid mini-meltdowns, have a casual chat about how you can share the housework load so that one person does not feel overwhelmed or taken advantage of while also keeping each other sane at the same time.
4. Checks and Balances
Finances are a huge part of cohabitation. While your purse will hopefully loosen a bit by sharing your lease/mortgage expense with someone else, you need to ensure that you are both paying equally for the other bills that come with daily life; such as food, gas, electric and cable. Prior to moving in, sit down with your mate and make a list of all the potential expenses for your household and try to divvy them up as equally as possible. Perhaps your man will take on cable and gas, if you agree to do the grocery shopping and plan the meals. Or, you will pay the electric if he maintains the landscaping and buys the pool chemicals.
You may also consider opening a joint account just for household expenses. You can each put an equal amount of money into the account each month, and draw from that for home expenses only. Statically, finances are the number one cause of fights between couples that live together, so make sure you understand your obligations before you even unpack your luggage.
5. Stay Spontaneous
One of the fun parts about dating is the sense of mystery. At the start of your relationship, spontaneous dinners, romantic gestures and impromptu picnics are the norm. When you live with your mate, the spur-of-the-moment rendezvous' become replaced by your daily routines. Things can get really comfortable really fast. While this is nice at times, it also can become a bit boring and dangerous for your love life. Make an effort to keep the spark in your relationship firing by finding little ways to surprise each other regularly.
Moving in with your mate is a wonderful step in your future and it is so easy to get wrapped up in the excitement of it all! Take the time to handle the logistics before you get the keys to ensure you have a strong foundation from which to build your love shack.
Article by Elle Lamboy. Image credit: Wavebreak Media/Thinkstock
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